It Keeps Me Human

I’ve never been one to not be human. In a perfect universe, we’d all make the right decisions and the word “mistake” wouldn’t be in our vocabulary. The dictionary would be changed as we know it. We’d be anything but human. All too often our wrongdoings are highlighted and our good works are left in between the lines, unread.

When I stand there on the stage, the lights seemingly blinding, an ocean-like audience engulfing me in their waves of silence, I freeze. I am human. I am no longer the image of perfection they had been observing for so long. I tried but I didn’t, it was a part of me and now I slipped up. My mouth goes dry with the words that escape me, but yet I swallow for what seems like forever, something that’s too mountainous and difficult for me to handle. I choke on the words in my mind before I can even attempt to spit them out.

How did I end up here? I’ve always been the better version of myself, but now they see the old parts I tried to cover up with something new. The things I tried to fix are showing through. My reflection is a mirror that’s broken, bandaged with tape—clear tape that wasn’t recognized from afar or from a glance, until it was closely analyzed, and they saw each shatter from impact.

Still, once they see the mistakes, they forget about the good. They forget to recognize the better, like a dusty Bible amongst popular, used fiction novels. How did it get like this? Even in the midst of bullets that target my heart, I’ve learned to laugh as I go. While the smile still sometimes covers up the breaking, it prevents me from falling—falling off the stage. It keeps me together, it keeps me human.

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I wrote this for a specific course, and found that it's so easy to feel out of place, isn't? Don't we all feel like this sometimes? A fish out of water . . . grasping for the type of thing we need? Whether that be comfort, knowledge, assurance—whatever it may be—we all find that we're reaching for something all too often, it feels like. God is always there for us, God will help you in your time of need. When you feel helpless, just know that you aren't. God keeps us together, He created us, He can guide us. 

Don't forget to find the good in others . . . and yourself. God does it all the time, we need to do some more of it too. Trust Him in your times of worry. "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" (Matthew 6:27, NLT). Worrying does nothing, panic does nothing, God can do anything. Seems like a good solution, if you ask me. Trust in Him, lean on Him in every moment of doubt. 

~The Inspired One