I Don't Like Change

I Don't Like Change

I don't like change But it tends to like me

I have always been Type A

But the world wants me to be Type B

I have done so much for others

But they don’t put in too much thought for me 

So I move things around to not be a bother

And they don’t let me set healthy boundaries 

I don’t like change

But it tends to like me 

I get a lot of headaches

They’re probably chronic, you see

I have to plan my whole day

To make sure I am ready 

To sit through a noisy crowd

To sit outside in the sticky heat

Cause when it’s too loud

It can turn into a migraine, dizzying 

I plan out each week 

To have a good balance socially 

And I plan out my meals, buy groceries 

Don’t want it to be wasted money

I don’t have a lot of social battery 

So that balance is necessary 

But when it’s been many hours, and it’s dying

I need to be respected, but they start complaining

Will I never be enough? 

Empty cups don’t give, they break 

Will I ever do enough? 

They want each minute, nothing to go to waste 

A couple years went by

I gave in to it all to be polite 

All I did was get married

They said I left their events “early” 

Eight hours isn’t enough

Ten hours isn’t enough

Twelve hours isn’t enough

My whole life wouldn’t be enough 

I don’t like change

But it tends to like me 

Even good change, it scares me 

I have no regrets except getting nervous 

But I had to get there, that’s the scary thing

Someday I’ll look back and it’ll be worth it

New classes, new jobs, interviews 

Wedding planning, and apartment hunting 

I have everything and nothing to lose

But be happy and keep smiling 

Grief, heartbreak, and lost causes 

I wish I could go back in time 

I wish life could be put on pause and

Give me time to figure out what to do with mine

I don’t like change

But it tends to like me

And there’s people who wish I’d change

To bow down, to say “yes,” to let them control

I’m no longer a people pleaser, I don’t play games

I’ve learned to protect my happiness and peace on my own

I don’t care if they don’t like me

I don’t care if I have to fight

I know who I am and will be

Until the day that I die

So while I cater to a world not built for me

One where people only show their best takes

A place of “fun” social anxiety 

One where I’ve faked it until my life is made

I’ve changed a lot for the better in the last half decade 

I became less Type A, but it will never leave me

Why can’t the Type B ever see it our way? 

This is why I killed the people pleaser inside of me 

Time taken advantage of

Other people have too much power and control 

One day I told myself I’d had enough

I was allowed to say “No.”

So I changed, ISN’T THAT WHAT THEY WANTED? 

I became different, but not like they’d imagined 

They twist it, call me the bad guy when their lies are confronted 

Some relationships, now I never care to mend… and 

I don’t like change

But it tends to like me

So I stay happy with the people who make me feel happy

They know who they are, they will always have me 

I don’t mind tough love when it comes from a place of sincerity 

Not the kind from narcissists who paint me as their enemy 

Constant changing schedules and last minute plans 

You’d think were no big deal if they weren’t habits and 

Rearranging schedules constantly felt like a slap to the hand

“Why wouldn’t you cancel everything just cause I asked?”

Because the lack of respect for my time and my place 

I gave the benefit of the doubt too many times too count 

“Why don’t you plan at least a little head?” I’m done saving face.

I’m the bad guy again, because I had to say no, and their silence was loud

But I am very understanding 

I’ve had to be the one to change things

But I have respect for others as they should for me 

Until they make me lose respect, then it starts downspiraling 

I will never let someone take advantage again 

I have changed enough, now it’s their turn 

I had followed along and helped put out their messy fires then

They are surprised and mad when something starts to burn 

I will not change for the worse ever again

I wish others knew how empowering this felt 

The people pleaser inside me is mostly dead 

So now I have control of the hand I was dealt 

I have always been Type A

But the world wants me to be Type B

I don’t like change

But it tends to like me