I Feel Like Sunshine

 

Golden glitter hustles through the air 
Pushed by a birthday wish 
Candles no longer illuminate her face
Yet sunlight does her whole life 

Years of wishes that came true 
Cause she never told a soul
Holds back salt water tears
Cut the cake, take a bite 

Nonchalant is for the weak 
If they care, let them shrink 
Only bullies downplay happy scenes 
She won't let them dim her shine 

The little things, little moments 
She lives for those, life is too fast 
Someday she'll only live within photographs 
She wants to look back on a happy life

Somehow some things don't make her sad 
When they "should" make her feel hopeless
She knows who she is, she knows her worth
And it lives in God, so she feels His light 

Attacking comments ricochet 
"Why doesn't she look hurt?" 
Evil intentions love to make themselves known 
Her Sword of the Spirit shatters their knives 

She feels untouchable
She embraces God's design for her
No one can embarrass her anymore 
She'll shrug her shoulders and smile

So if you see her on a walk with her dog
Or at her desk writing something
And if you ask her how her life is 
She'll tell you "I feel like sunshine" 

~ ~ ~ 

Growing up, and even still now, my dad has called me his sunshine. I always thought it was really sweet. We've made jokes over the years about me leaving for vacation or something, and all of the sudden there is gross weather by my parent's house, because the sunshine (me) left. 

Since I've been on this journey of not being a people pleaser and learning to deal with toxic people, I have described life and myself feeling like sunshine. I didn't even connect the nickname to it until sometime this year. Life doesn't just feel like sunshine, I do. 

I truly think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was trying to suppress parts of me just so toxic people would like me, which clearly only did damage. I was never myself around them, in fear of getting some rude comment about what I said, wore, or even liked. I don't like constantly bringing up people pleasing, but it has impacted more of my life than I ever thought it did. And I hope to one day give my future children the tools to never follow down that path. 

Once God started helping me through this, life looked brighter and brighter. Now, I'm sure part of it was being able to do exciting things in life that I daydreamed about a million times, like getting married, moving into an apartment, etc. But he also helped me internally, gaining control of my own schedule (saying yes or no on my terms), learning to defend myself and not making people comfortable when they actively made me uncomfortable, and such. 

On a more outward level, I also really love aesthetics. So I have plenty of playlists and Pinterest boards. I love the decor in my home to make me happy. I love to be organized. These little things are truly a part of my everyday life, and I think boost my happiness (on top of the inward things) a lot. The amount of simple, little things I do just cause they make me happy... Even when it's just my husband and I having tacos, I still set it up the ingredients all cute, cause why not?? That's a phrase I've loved. The world has tried to really downplay happiness for adults, especially. I've declined the invitation to boringness. The things I do and buy usually have some sort of "Why not?" phrase involved. Why not get the set of pens that are pretty when you already need some? Why not make your phone look aesthetic? Why not take a picture? Why not romanticize life? 

That's a good way to describe it: I constantly romanticize life and live it to the fullest, cause why not? There's no harm. The only people who have seemed to have a problem with it are ones who seem to hate their own lives. I feel like God wants all of us to romanticize life in our own ways. Live the life He has given you to the very best of your ability. To some, this all may sound very stupid and pointless, but if we were able to measure our daily happiness, mine is probably higher than some because I make that choice. Even on a day I got laid off, I told my husband I strangely didn't feel sad and that it almost felt like my birthday, because life happens. Marrying someone who protects that sunshine was one of the best things I ever did. He doesn't try to dim it. 

Even when you think God may be done pulling you out of your own darkness, He can make it even brighter. That's how His plans are and how heaven is. He can make you feel like sunshine. 

~ The Inspired One