Expectations

 

Should you have expectations you put on other people? It depends. 

I’ve been told before that there’s people I’d rather not speak to who have expectations of me just like I do of them. Except, my expectations are just to be respected, which I have communicated. Theirs depend on me following whatever they want, which I already did for years (you’re welcome to them, I guess). I live in reality where I can be civil when I’m forced to be in a room with them, but my expectations come from finding my worth in God. He doesn’t need me to do all this other stuff to try to please Him. He just wants our hearts. Everything else is kind of extra (which will naturally happen over time). These people want me to be the version of myself that benefits their bad behavior. That’s the bottom line. Their expectations are just guidelines so everyone can enable them. These expectations are unrealistic demands that never need to be followed. 

The expectations you should place on other people should simply just be respect, because so many things come after someone actually respects you. My parents taught me that one of the foundational traits in a marriage should be respect and everything else kind of falls into place, and I couldn’t agree more. So many things in a daily basis come just from respecting my husband, and him respecting me. If you respect someone, you want to protect them, do what’s best for them, be kind, etc. It can vary depending on the type of relationship. But it all really does fall into place. 

I give everyone respect simply because they’re a human being. But once they lose my respect, goodbye. That takes a lot of damage and disrespect to make me want to cut someone off in my mind, and way too many second chances and slack cut for them. At some point you have to have respect for yourself. 

In the end, if someone can not meet the bottom line of respecting me, I simply want nothing to do with them. I am so intentional with being respectful and kind, that if they accuse me of being rude or disrespectful, my mind is checked out. People who actually care and know me, they know that I’d never be like that. These people make it up in their own heads. 

So it’s not that we have miscommunicated in some way. It’s not that we both have unfair or secret expectations that the other isn’t meeting. Mine was about respect, theirs was about manipulation. It’s not an even playing field whatsoever. A people pleaser can be very easily manipulated into thinking they have endless perfect work to do to meet the unrealistic standards. 

So, focus on God’s expectations for your life. You can try to be more than perfect for people, and you still won’t be good enough for them. That’s not a great place to put your worth in. You’ll lose yourself in pleasing them. And, honestly, you’re probably doing much better in God’s eyes than any of those other people’s anyway. They aren’t the ones who will grant you access to an eternal life. 

Now that I feel like I’m in the much later stages in the healing and self-growth process, it’s so much easier to focus on God. Those people and their intentions were pushed at me by Satan. Life is good because I only care about God’s expectations now. 

~ The Inspired One 

~ ~ ~ 

I was just thinking about conversations I’ve had where these people would tell me about their expectations of me (as talked about above) and all I wanted was respect and they couldn’t even give me that. Some people are worth letting go of. With each year that passes, I have more experiences where I realize all of my self-worth is purely in God. When I’m near the end of my life, I want to look back and be happy, not remember how often I was putting my worth in others, and living for them instead of God. Living a fulfilling life and then making it to heaven after that? That’s my goal. I wish I could share these things with the world because it has truly changed my life for the better.