The Mirror

She looked in the mirror and studied her appearance 

What would she look like when she grew up, the same or different? 

She was only five or six, in pre-school, just a little kid and 

Over two decades later and she still held on to that moment 

She wishes she could tell her that everything goes perfect 

She finds hobbies, friends, the one, and that she really adores college 

God gives her all that she dreams of, grants her prayers and birthday wishes

Still the future felt far off, somewhere in the bright distance 

She thought she was pretty

Would she get prettier? 

She loved her smile and her eyes 

Would she get even better with time? 

She had no idea 

Just how happy she’d be 

Growing up isn’t that bad 

Don’t believe the movies 

You’ll get the pretty apartment 

You’ll get the perfect wedding 

Life will feel like a happy montage 

You’ll romanticize every little thing

You’ll get the guy that meets all the standards 

That your parents taught and showed you 

He won’t corner you for stupid answers

He’s almost too good to be true 

So little version of me…

Don’t worry about a single thing 

Just focus on your happy story 

And skip the people pleasing 

You’ll be proud of how you stay true to yourself 

No pressure to conform to the rest of the world 

And to answer your question, when you look in the mirror 

In your eyes, you can still see the same pretty little girl…

~ ~ ~

I'm not sure if I've ever told anyone about this, but when I was in pre-school, I have an extremely vivid memory of sitting at a toy vanity table, looking at myself, and wondering how much my appearance would change as I grew older. Just a simple "I wonder what I'll look like when I grow up" kind of moment. At the time, I didn't realize I would actually keep this memory filed away for decades. I wish I could tell her how great her life turns out and how happy she'd be, but I'm pretty sure she already knew. She always felt special in a sense that she made the most out of life. She felt, in a joking way, like "God's favorite." I still feel all of this. I have been incredibly blessed in life, even though I've gone through some really challenging times with depression, grief, and being respected. I have learned how to find the light at the end of the tunnel every single time, because God led me there.

Even though I romanticize as much as possible in life, enjoy so many little things, and try to make the best of everything, I had to make a choice. I chose to never let that happy version of me go away forever, and to not become one of the boring, miserable adults who seemed to hate their lives. I promised myself I'd never be depressed and go through that ever again. Since I know what it looks like now, I will do whatever it takes to avoid it. I know God can do that. I'm so confident it'll never happen again, no matter what. Even when I'm just having an off day and I feel down, I actively do whatever it takes to feel better. If it drags into the next day (which it hasn't), I'll make much bigger changes, because I will never get sick with depression again. Depression starts with just one off day, and you don't see it coming until you're already infected. Grief is a really hard one because it's so natural but I also intentionally create healthy patterns after a while, because I don't want a random reminder of someone who has passed to always trigger a breakdown. Do I still cry sometimes? Yes, for sure. Something I have talked extensively about is the self-respect one. At the age of this little girl looking in the mirror was around the age she started being conditioned and manipulated by someone with narcissistic traits (not her parents) to become a people pleaser. She wouldn't realize it til she was 22, and something would click. That is one thing I would change. I'd save her from the evil injected into her life and somehow give her all the tools to be strong against other dark-hearted people she'd meet. The people pleasing ruins way more of her life than I'd like to admit. But even if I couldn't change it, I'd want to tell her that she does "win" and won't care about them anymore.

I think I just feel so thankful that God blessed me with the parents I have, and the heart He gave me. Ever since I was little, I always knew God was watching, so I've never sworn and tried to do the right thing, even when no one was looking. I was such a rule follower as a little kid and that made me become someone who doesn't give into peer pressure.

So, sometimes when I look in the mirror, I look into my eyes and think about the moment I had when I was little. I want nothing more than to be her reflection and tell her that she's perfect...

~ The Inspired One