How to Plan a Wedding: The Happy Way

Photo: me & my husband on our wedding day

Welcome to How to Plan a Wedding: The Happy Way (or really anything important in your life). 

I had a great experience planning my wedding. A lot of people asked me how it was going while planning it, and I kind of wanted a place I could write down all the steps. It actually was a very simple process for me. This is also for me to maybe someday look back on, cause I think it would be fun to someday read this and see the whole process and how I handled it. 

Step 0: Inspiration. Now, I had created an extensive Pinterest board before I even met my husband. I'd just casually add things throughout the years that I'd randomly stumble upon as potential ideas. Then, when we were probably two years into the relationship, I really wanted to get engaged because I'm such a hopeless romantic at heart, but we had agreed on getting engaged after about three years together (which was the right choice). So, I created Pinterest boards for a lot of details of the wedding. I was deciding colors, I found the dress I wanted (and I did end up getting it!), decoration ideas, etc. As someone who can have a hard time on deciding details by myself, this was extremely helpful. So, doing all this research and future planning was not going to be changed by unwelcomed opinions when I already did a lot of work for what I wanted. I also had a playlist on Spotify of songs I might want at my wedding someday. These included general wedding songs, walking down the aisle, first dance, father-daughter dance (which I had picked out for probably over 10 years), etc. All of this led to our engagement being almost purely planning, not so much a need for ideas. Although I would have been able to pull off the exact same wedding without this pre-planning, as I would have still done the Pinterest boards (almost obsessively) at the beginning of our engagement. 

Step 1: Decide who will be allowed to be involved. For me, it was 99% me and my now-husband, then it was my mom, and my maid of honor. This involves setting boundaries (and sticking to them), having lots of conversations, and making decisions. I had an extensive Pinterest board (as mentioned above) and already knew the vision that I wanted, so it helped me to not be indecisive (now-husband didn't care what the theme was). I knew what I wanted (in a more self-advocacy way, not bridezilla way), and no one could change my mind. This is why 99% of other's opinions, in general, didn't matter to me. I think constructive criticism of plans and logistics and the overall look is great: How is this going to fit with this on a table? Who's going to help with this? Do these two things actually look good together? Let's look. Etc. I had a "Well, this is how I'm doing it because this is how I want it" type of attitude in a nice way when it came to unsolicited opinions. Throughout the entire engagement, I was very carefree, happy, enjoying it, and had very little stress, so that's the type of attitude it was when I'd respond to those comments or talk about how it's going, if that makes sense. My mom always said, "It's your day, do what makes you happy." I was simply advocating for myself and what I wanted this whole time. 

Step 2: Decide a date, budget, and rough guest count. We wanted our wedding in July, and simply made sure it wasn't too close with anything else/didn't overlap (parent/sibling birthdays or holidays), which was easy since our wedding month isn't a busy month for either of us. It turns out one of his cousins actually had their wedding anniversary on ours, too, haha! Budget: explanatory (making sure you can cover the entire cost of your wedding, even if there are no gifts of money from people like parents). Our guest list included people close to us who we wanted there. We had to draw lines with no kids, plus ones, etc., but this wasn't difficult. 

Step 3: Select vendors. This was super fun (and overwhelming!) to figure out. We looked at so many venues online and in person, and the perfect one we went with was one of the last ones. Photographer was fantastic. And everything else was excellent as well. We got really lucky. 

Step 4: Create a checklist in order of deadlines. This one thing made wedding planning rarely stressful. I tried to create as comprehensive of a list as I could for each section (ceremony, guest table decor, bridal suite, bridesmaids, etc.). I, then, arranged those items in order of importance/how long it would take to get them done (the longer it'll take, the sooner you need to complete them). This involved a lot of research. At this time, I also created lists of options of things to buy (like options for decor, veils, etc. that I liked). And when it came to actually buying something, I really just had to pick from my favorites on the lists. 

Step 5: Ignore the outside chaos. No matter what else is going on in your life or other's lives, this is a happy chapter, and you can't let anyone else or anything else darken it. I mostly remember it being just super happy, excited, and enjoying the entire process. This step may need to be earlier, depending on the situation. How did I ignore the chaos? I remembered it was my wedding. Everyone else has their own day, why should I let anyone decide or destroy mine? My mom (and my then-fiance) was a great sounding board (as she always is!) if any issues arose. My priority was creating amazing memories on my wedding day, and I did, and I had people to help protect that. 

Step 6: Decor, decor, decor. I made the stressful "mistake" of ordering all of my decor about a month before my wedding. I did mark down how far in advance I'd have to order them for them to arrive on time. But, it was nice in the end when I realized I could return a lot of it to Amazon and get it refunded (score!). Because of all of my prior research and narrowing it down throughout the whole engagement process, decor was fairly easy, and we waited until we had our final headcount. This was super fun, and I even kept in mind things we could keep for our home (which we did!). One of my favorite things I have is my dad made us two wooden plant boxes, and I created fake flower arrangements in them. I still keep them on my bookshelves and think they're still super pretty! 

Step 7: Plan the details of your big day. Since I'm such a planner, I didn't hire a wedding planner or a day-of coordinator. I created a "Day Of" binder. It had absolutely everything: a detailed schedule, how decor should be set up, where all the people were sitting, simplified schedules for certain things, who was assigned to do what, contact info, etc. Now, I'm not sure how much it was actually used on the wedding day, but I do know that even creating that filled in any logistical holes. I also sent each person (bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents, siblings, and grandparents) individual digital schedules. This included when they should arrive, where they specifically needed to be, a few general timeline things (ceremony, grand entrance, dinner, etc.), and times for photos. I don't think I was ever really asked many questions throughout the whole day. I also included a lot of buffer space in between things just in case I needed it. I even had extra time in between the first look/private vows and the father-daughter reveal (and time after that) in case I was crying too much and needed to re-compose myself. Fun fact: I only teared up/cried like two or three times. Extremely impressive for me. 

Step 8: Get married. After all that prep and planning, go get married. I am lucky to say my day went flawlessly for me. I wouldn't have changed anything. I was told things will go wrong and you have to be okay with it... well, guess what? They didn't. I'm now realizing how rude it is to say, depending on how you word it. I had someone tell it to me like it was a fact, while the other was more of  "If things go wrong, just breathe, and continue on and try to enjoy it. Go with the flow even though it's very planned." Literally perfect. Maybe some things did behind the scenes that I didn't know about, but to me, perfect day. The only thing that happened was during photos after the ceremony, our empty glasses fell on the ground from our sand unity ceremony. I looked over, confirmed it was just the empty glasses, and brushed it off and laughed. I could not have cared any less, didn't disrupt my day. I wasn't stressed out either. I was told that before you walk down the aisle you'll feel extremely stressed out. For some reason, I didn't. I think being in theater as a kid played a huge role into this. I had already dealt with moments of internal stage fright. I knew how to handle it. I wasn't stressed out at all. And having a rehearsal was extremely useful. I remember a co-worker told me to just look at him while I walked down the aisle. I did just that and it was literal tunnel vision. I do remember looking at the row my parents, siblings, and grandma were sitting in at the end of walking down the aisle, or right after we had gotten married and started walking back, and that was the only time I looked away, because those people matter so much to me, and as much as I loved the significance and idea of my mom walking down the aisle with me, I had always just envisioned the traditional way with just my dad, just one other person, as one on each side would have literally felt strange to me, personally. 

Step 9: Honeymoon. We had a lot of fun planning our honeymoon. We went on a week-long cruise to the Bahamas, and it was so magical! We couldn't use our phones since there was no service besides for things happening on the cruise app and pictures. It was so fun. We got to go parasailing and we met a dolphin for our excursions. It was the perfect mix of some activities and a lot of relaxing after all the planning and build up for a wedding. I was lucky during the wedding/honeymoon planning because my husband would say "Well, we only get married once" or "We only have one honeymoon" so we could splurge a little more for things/activities.

Step 10: After Wedding To-Do's. We printed wedding photos, we sent out Christmas cards with a wedding photo on them. We plan to get canvas prints of a few photos, and I want to get a wedding photo book. We also have been trying to give wedding photos to people who want them. And figured out ways to display wedding-related things in our home, whether it was just a decor item or sentimental items (vows, unity ceremony piece). And I decided to edit our wedding video myself, which, at this point, I'm considering just posting on our one-year anniversary, to be honest (haha!). I'm still technically in this stage, but it's much more chill, since we only really have a couple of these things left lingering. After wedding blues hit you kind of hard. It's all over. Dreaming of it your whole life, planning every single detail, everything building up to this one day, it goes by fast, and then it's all over. The honeymoon helped, and then I have these other little wedding things to do, which really helps extend this fun phase in my mind. 

Step 11: Breathe. Good job. You got married. You're happy. Enjoy this chapter. And maybe get a pet after two months of marriage. It'll make it fun haha! 

~ ~ ~ 

Someday in the far future, after all of this potentially becomes one giant blur, I'll be able to look at this and see how I did it and my thought process. My parents were so great throughout this whole process. I remember my mom literally saying, "If you guys really want to elope and we aren't there, go for it!" She really pushed for me to do exactly what I wanted. Although, she did elope in Hawaii and had a magical time. I really appreciated their support and how chill they were. They were willing to either just show up at the wedding or be knee-deep in DIY projects (which they and my siblings did help with and with steaming our tablecloths and napkins). I like to create little memory capsules to one day look back on. My journals from childhood are so funny to read. The things that were important for 12-year-old me, 18-year-old me, etc. I still do updates in them once in a while (like every 6 months or 12 months) because maybe someday when I'm 80, I'll get to look back on my whole life.

I'm also excited for when my kids get married. If they need help, great, I'll be there. If they've got it all covered like I did, great. I should be proud of them for being able to handle it. I didn't understand the mindset of being super offended not being asked for help (if you aren't close to the bride), you should be happy that they're doing so well planning such a big event. If they aren't drowning in chaos, stress, and confusion, you should probably be happy that they're doing well. And don't project expectations onto them, as they might be like me and not give in to what you want. My mindset would just be to support them in executing the perfect day they want. I like helping people to look their best. I learned this in college when I would proofread people's papers, and I purely wanted them to sound their best with what they wanted to write about, and I wasn't judging them. Same thing when I was an editor for my college's newspaper. If someone really wanted to write about something, great. I just edited it to make it sound as best as it could. Same thing for things that are important to people. 

You'll hear me say this phrase a thousand times: I am focusing on protecting my happiness and peace. It began with wedding planning to make sure that day was perfect and I was creating a day where I could make amazing memories. And it applies to the rest of my life, too. That was just the first time it was extremely important. 

And that is How to Plan a Wedding: The Happy Way...

~ The Inspired One