Let Them

Have you heard of the "Let Them" theory? 

I had heard of it and am interested in reading the book 'The Let Them Theory' by Mel Robbins. The theory can basically be best understood like this:

If they don't support you... let them. 
If they talk behind your back... let them. 
If they want to judge you... let them. 

"The Let Them Theory reveals who people truly are, and when you see them for their true colors, YOU then get to choose what you do next" (Mel Robbins). 

Of course, there is a time and place to let them. Sometimes, you definitely do need to stand up for yourself in the face of direct adversity. But I am currently learning to simply... let them. I don't have control over the negative people in my life. The only thing I can 100% control is what I do and say, and I can keep on with this happy life I have created and continue to protect. 

Letting go when it comes to people you may not necessarily like is hard. I have not reached a point where I simply "let them" for everything. I am still learning this. It also doesn't only apply to literal things they do or say. It can simply be the fact that they don't like you. Years ago, I heard something online about how there are billions of people in the world, not all of them are going to like you, and you most certainly don't like everyone you come across, so why expect the same? If someone doesn't like me, I literally don't care. I let them. I don't like everyone I've ever met either, and sometimes I don't even have a reason. I don't have to have one, either. 

Why let them? Caring too much about negative situations that you can't control only does damage to you. They're going to do the thing you don't like, whether you like it or not, it all depends on how you respond. With some people, I internally roll my eyes and ignore the bad things they say. What's the point? To start an argument just for this same thing to happen next time? Some people just aren't worth the time or energy. You'll know when it comes to situations if you should speak up or let them. It's a tricky balance that I'm still learning, but it's the only way to live a happy life when they're around. 

Whenever I have someone in my life who does rude things, I typically go through these steps: 
Internal eye roll: the first initial gut reaction, like of course this person had to say/do this. It's a non-visible sigh. Sometimes I make eye contact with someone else who I know is very over this behavior. 
Silent treatment: most of the time, I don't say anything. If you read my previous post, "Laugh It Off," I talked about how laughing off a rude comment only gives permission to the rude person to continue to be rude. Giving the silent treatment consistently can reduce or eliminate these comments or certain types of comments from them. 
Speak up (optional): very rarely do I ever actually speak up, but if I do, it's a comment that directly contradicts what they said. It doesn't do the type of damage you'd want to do to shut it down, but it can also reduce/eliminate specific types of comments. 
Note it: note the exact type of comment/action in your mind. It's extremely unhealthy for you to let them be rude, forgive and forget, and then when they do the same thing, you treat it like it happened for the first time again. This will conclude with zero progress. If they continue to repeat their comments/actions, it is a behavior, not a coincidence, that the behavior as continued. It is who they are and how they want to treat you. It is no longer a one-time comment. This should be noted in their character profile in your brain. 
Set boundaries: if it does get bad enough, set boundaries. Have some self-respect and put an end to it. 
Cut off: if this person has continued (for years) to be rude and I have been nothing but kind and respectful, I will mentally cut them off (or literally, if needed). I don't care if I ever speak to them again. I will be kind when I have to see them in person, but I no longer want a relationship with them until they make a change. 

Some people may think these steps are rude or selfish. Why not just forgive and forget? Why not just let it go and let them be rude, brush it off, and go along with your day? This typically takes years of negative interactions and little to no positive interactions. It's not selfish to want to be respected. 

Some people hate this "trend" (as they call it) of people cutting off family members. Family isn't family and friends aren't friends if they're nothing but rude to you. They don't deserve to be in your life. It's not a "trend," it's more of people realizing they deserve to be happy and not have toxicity in their lives. Family isn't always blood, sometimes it's people you've found throughout life. 

I've dealt a lot with letting people do things, smiling, maybe crying later, and letting the process repeat for years. Now, I let them hate me. I let them be jealous of my happiness if that's what it is. I let them think I act like I hate them when I'm intentionally kind, I just don't do exactly what they want at all times. I let them have a false perception of who I am, even though I know myself so well. 

You'll find the balance of letting them, but also standing up for yourself. 

Eventually, I will learn to let them... when it comes to everything. 

~ The Inspired One