Laugh It Off

Growing up, at some point, I learned it was socially acceptable to "laugh it off." This is a common phenomenon, but it can be dangerous. 

I have had people say uncomfortable or just plain rude comments to me, and I used to just laugh it off so that the situation wasn't awkward. I was trying to make the rude person feel comfortable... I was hoping they would feel comfortable when making me feel uncomfortable. 

One day, something clicked at how messed up this is. I had someone making the same type of comments to me multiple times. I seem to always go through this process for each specific type of rude comment: 
First time: internally kind of in shock, ignore, don't know what to say, maybe it was a one-time thing.
Second time: weird that they said that again, but maybe it's just two times. 
Third time: okay, this is basically a habit at this point, I am saying something next time. 

Is this the best method? No, but I like to pick my battles. It, of course, also depends on who they are and what they say. If I already have a positive relationship with them, it's more noting the comments even though it seems out-of-character for them, and I will figure out something to say to combat it (like, "I would be stupid to think that," as an out-of-context response I've said). They get more grace, but I do not allow the behavior to continue. If I have a negative relationship with them, it's already who they are because they've always said these kinds of things in different ways. It's not surprising, but it's disrespectful. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I have not had the opportunity to combat the insults very often from negative relationships in my life as they always tend to do different things that require different responses. I am much stronger than I was when these initially happened, and, I think, if it happened again, I would say something the first time something is said. 

Laughing a rude comment off is actually damaging, no matter what it is. It gives the rude person in this scenario permission to continue doing what they're doing. You're actually giving them a positive response, not even neutral. If someone ever says anything that makes me uncomfortable, the most "positive" thing I do is give them silence. They don't deserve laughter for rudeness. I have done the "silent treatment" method many, many times in my life. 

This does not mix well in people's eyes because I am seen as nice and not the stereotypical person who would stand up for themselves. So, any time I do stand up for myself, I am seen as rude for doing so, purely because they don't never expect it, and it seems out-of-character for me to be a strong person. Doesn't make sense, does it? No. But do I care if they see me as rude if my response was respectful? Absolutely not. 

So, the next time someone says a "joke" (or an insult disguised as one) that makes you uncomfortable, don't laugh. Watch what happens. Or say something in response that completely counteracts what they said, like my example above. I only thought of my answer after fake-laughing about 5 times, giving the silent treatment another 5 times, and decided I'd verbally counteract it. Sometimes it takes everything in me not to be more confrontational, but that specific situation happens less now, so I'm hoping it's over. 

Laughing is supposed to be for actual funny things, not insults. You think God wants you to give positive validation to someone being rude to you? You should have self-respect for yourself and not let anyone say those kinds of things. 

But if you actually hear something funny (that isn't rude), laugh it off all you want until you're cry-laughing. 

~ The Inspired One