"Too Nice"

I have oftentimes claimed the title of "too nice," and others have described me as that, as well. It's not a bad thing, because they know me as this nice person who likes dad jokes, and they don't even try to get me to do things that are very far out of character for me. I established this "well, that's me" attitude at a young age, and I'm so glad I did. People know they can't really make fun of me for who I am or what I like. They just can't. 

I used to never stand up for myself in big or small disagreements. I would constantly stand down, then cry about it later. Because of this, I have been hurt a number of times, because I was being "too nice" and didn't know what to do. With supportive people around me, and choosing to be myself with my "well, that's me" character, I wasn't going to be hurt anymore. People tend to view me as "too nice" and that they can do just about anything and I'll be fine with it, or I won't stand up for myself. Multiple people have been proven wrong by that. They've tried to make up lies or act like I did so many things wrong, when I have been the most careful around them, and intentionally treated them nice so that they would maybe like me someday, and stop being mean (don't worry, I stopped with the "hope they like me someday" mentality as that itself can become toxic, because I don't live to please them). 

Now am I writing this because it still hurts me? No. These people don't hurt me. They can't. I am writing this because I encountered another one of these people in a situation where I was too strong for them to handle. It made me look back and see how strong God has made me compared to when I was young and too soft for everything. 

I had someone in my life who made me feel sad a lot for many, many years. But something in me switched one day, and I think God was making me stronger. I realized that this person could literally say anything at all and it wouldn't hurt me. In that moment, I grew. I learned that I didn't have to always be nice and let people say mean things. Sometimes you need to make a change to protect yourself, and God did that for me. He was also preparing me for anyone else who could try to hurt me. People who don't know me well enough or don't care about me, don't have the authority to say these kinds of things (and close people who truly care about me would never say them in the first place). 

To be painted as the bad guy (even though I was "too nice") when they messed up does not mix well with being a strong person, if that makes sense. I am too strong for them to break me. Bullet-proof. Now, when someone close to me who actually cares about me and something is said that isn't too kind, that's when it hurts the most, but those things have always been mended, because both parties care. 

Giving second chances was almost practically a hobby of mine. I got tired of it. After trying to be perfect for people for years, getting hurt, and still not being good enough, I realized that the issues in the relationships were not on me. People don't like it when a kind, nice person stands up for themselves. They'll start attacking the verbiage you use when what you said wasn't out of line. They'll be extremely hypocritical. And they'll start attacking you, going outside of the original topic of conversation. In my early 20s, I learned how to deal with these kinds of people.

What's the point? God can make you stronger, even when you thought it was impossible. I am horrible at confrontation and arguments, because the only practice I ever got was in the heat of the moment. I'm not the best at thinking on my feet to get the perfect response, which is exactly why I'm a writer and not a public speaker. The real way to become stronger and stand up for yourself is to know who you are so well inside and out, and know your worth through God. 

I learned to not be afraid to say "no." I used to be such a people pleaser that I would say "yes" to almost anything if someone asked, and became too agreeable. This became overwhelming. physically and mentally. I remember my senior year of college and I was pulled in twenty different directions every day. My schedule was insane to the point I was scheduling free time for myself. Almost every single day was booked by the hour. I learned to decline when something didn't align with who I was or what I wanted to do. I was "too nice" to say "no" or decline when I really needed to or was uncomfortable sometimes. That's unhealthy. 

When I was in college, I was a student leader for Commuters. I remember in the interview for the position when I was asked if I'm a leader or a follower. I don't quite remember my answer, but I do know that at the end of the year, I would have answered that I'm a leader. I grew. 

So, at some point, I stopped jokingly describing myself as "too nice." All it has really done is hurt me over the years. Sure, people know I'm funny and nice (consistently the two words people use to describe me), but I don't give off the energy of someone who will be a follower at all times. Sometimes it's necessary, but not most of the time. I would still describe myself as nice, but not too nice to where I will let people step on me or be rude or hurt me. My heart doesn't deserve that. God doesn't want that for anyone. God doesn't want you to just be the "bigger person" every single time someone is cruel. That's being "too nice" to stand up for yourself. Of course, there is a balance and you should pick your battles (I have a lot of experience with this), but you'll know if it's your time to not put up with it. 

I give every single human being respect to begin with. No one has to earn it from me right off the bat. But if they lose respect, I guess they lose a little bit of the niceness  I've constantly given them with their second (more like hundredth) chances, and replaced with kind, respectful firmness. Boundaries will not be crossed. God knows I deserve better. 

Maybe.. just maybe... I am "too nice" to myself to let anyone treat me badly. 

~ The Inspired One