Bubble

I am in a bubble. 

A phrase that some people in my circle have seen me do and heard me say as of late is that I am "protecting my happiness and peace." This relates to my little bubble for my family, which currently consists of me and my husband. I would do anything, at all costs, to protect this bubble. If anyone tries to stab a needle or sword into it, some type of forcefield will push them away. They don't stand a chance. A reaction to what they did is not an attack. It is simply reacting, and if they hadn't done what they had, I wouldn't have done anything. They are at fault, not the bubble. 

This bubble is strong; it is not fragile and should not be mistaken to be so. I have transformed into a strong person. I'm no longer "too nice" to the point where I don't fight back. Being too gentle and too nice only gives others permission to continue what they're doing, and this is something I've learned time and time again throughout my life. I don't feel the need to give excuses when I say no. I don't feel like I have to be this people pleaser and spend my whole life making others happy, walking on eggshells, and never once prioritizing myself. An empty cup can't pour into others, and sometimes you shouldn't pour into a bottomless cup that takes and takes. And, sometimes, people try to poison your cup.

I've also decided that the bubble isn't clear or see-through. Our life is not to be judged or critiqued from the outside. I wanted to start our lives as a married couple in this bubble, because I don't just want it for myself anymore, I want it for my family, too. Doing this now means we will always be protected, because my persona has always been this girl who's "too nice" and not always taken seriously or treated with respect because I'd laugh it off and/or cry about it later. Nice doesn't mean naive. 

I know the inside of this bubble like the back of my hand. Because I know who we are so well, and our worth and the respect we deserve, when someone tries to stab the bubble with lies and attacks, they're automatically wrong. I don't question who I am or my self-worth because of what they said or did. They can't tell me who I am. Being confident in who you are and knowing things that are so true about yourself is very empowering. Want to insult me with lies? All it does is bounce off of me because it can't hurt me since I know who I am. Plus, people who typically have done this don't actually know me that well, anyway. So, it's like they literally don't even know what they're talking about. 

When and why did the bubble start to form? It all started in college. That was more of the bubble mixture creation, if anything. I had to deal with different types of people, handle issues, and learn how to speak for myself. I had to know who I was and my identity in a sea of people, and I was still finding it. But that's what college is all about, right? Most of the time, I was just the nice girl and rarely would say anything "different" or "slightly controversial" because of what I personally thought or believed. This was getting my foot in the door of self-discovery and standing up for myself, whether serious or silly. My self-worth exists in who God says I am, not what others project onto me. I don't manipulate, I do kind things. I don't attack, I appropriately react to their attacks. He knows who I am. He sees what I do. He knows what I say. No one can tell me otherwise. 

A smaller version of the bubble has always been over my heart. I am such an introvert, even though others will think I'm an extrovert, and I would much rather just laugh things off and let them go and follow the crowd. That would be easy, right? Wrong. At first, it would be, but over time that weight adds pressure, and you never give yourself the chance to speak up for what you want in serious or non-serious situations. Then you feel like people are pulling you in different directions because you were a people pleaser and always said yes and you let other people decide your life. You lost all control. The bubble burst... 

If you want a strong bubble, you have to create it yourself. It's easy to be a follower, but you won't ever have any say. The Bible states multiple times to not follow the crowd and to follow God. If anyone threatens or rejects you, do not be afraid (paraphrased from Exodus 23:2). When I was a follower and did what everyone wanted, life felt worse when it came to the pressure I felt I was under. When you learn to be a leader of your own life, and you know who you are, it's far easier. You don't care if people try to attack you for who you are because you know for a fact it's not true. 

While trying to defend the bubble, sometimes you have to pick your battles. You have to learn to let them. This is something I have not learned well yet with some scenarios, probably because I've finally learned how to fight back and protect myself in the proper way. I wish I had more control over people during conflict, but that's impossible and will not be attempted, as that would only turn me into a bad, controlling person. Someday, I will learn to let them say and do what they want, even though I know the truth, without being bothered, because I know who I am. There are some people who I completely let them unless it's serious. They could say almost anything and I wouldn't be phased. I let them. In a serious situation, I have had to mentally cut off and emotionally detach from people (after years of wrongdoings and narcissism on their end). This may seem harsh, but it's really not if you care about your bubble staying intact at all. I note their behavior in my mind and the fact that the many rude things are not coincidences, and the negativity is actually who they really are. I am willing to give them another chance if they turn around and genuinely become a good person. Until then, goodbye in my heart as there is no room for dark people, but I will still be kind to them when I see them in person. I deserve to be treated with respect. This has made for a much happier life as mine does not revolve around making someone comfortable who makes me oftentimes feel uncomfortable. Friends aren't friends, and family isn't family, if they treat you horribly. No one is allowed to destroy the bubble. Aren't you scared of hurting people's feelings over protecting your bubble? No. If someone is making me uncomfortable, why should their feelings matter more than what they have done to actively make me feel disrespected and uncomfortable? What about killing them with kindness after they've been rude? While this does work sometimes, typically with strangers, acquaintances, or job-related scenarios, I would rather ask the question... Why am I not allowed to react appropriately when they did something wrong toward me? I'm supposed to put up with it and cater to their negativity? Typically, if someone is going to be in your life for a while (whether temporary or permanent), being overly gentle with their wrong behavior only gives them permission to continue on. Don't laugh it off or overthink it later. Call them out. You deserve to be respected as a human being. Sometimes you're too much in shock to respond how you should've, you simply don't know what to say, and it plays into the giving them permission. When you do eventually speak up, you can begin the process of getting back what you deserve: respect. 

So why create a bubble? Isn't life fine how it is with its ups and downs? No, it's not. If you don't have a strong defense system when the downs happen, you are starting from scratch every time, and a little behind, to be honest. When you get hit with an attack, you are pushed back. With a bubble, when you get hit, you stand strong and move forward, never backwards. This is similar to having amour, like the amour of God. You'll be injured without it, but prepared to fight with it. 

Over the years, I have watched my mom be known as this strong person. She speaks up for herself and others. She advocates for what's right. She never follows the crowd. I never thought I could be like her in that way (before I made the bubble). She always, always tries to do what's best for herself and others. She lets them say or do what they want unless it's serious. She knows who she is. And this all means that she gives the best advice. I'm lucky I can call her up whenever I need to vent and/or hear a strong outside perspective. 

She helped me achieve exactly what I wanted for my wedding. That time in my life was a lot of re-enforcing the bubble. The entirety of planning a wedding was doing what I wanted, not letting anyone else decide or sway me on a single thing, and advocating for myself. I was protecting the memories to be made on my wedding day. This was the first time I had gone into a situation already with this mindset. It wasn't a time where I said to myself, "next time I'll do what I want" or "next time I'll say something." I did do what I wanted this time. It was perfect. 

Creating a bubble is setting boundaries and setting a standard for your home, whether it's just yourself, with a spouse, or with kids. People will eventually learn that they can't take advantage and that you are strong in who you are. You don't have to have outside forces against you to create it. I think it's best to start when you don't have any issues (if you can), because you are focusing on making yourself stronger without having to fight at the same time. Knowing who you are, what you want, what you're worth, and the respect you deserve are the best first steps to being a strong person. Creating a bubble is creating the life you want, really. It lets you determine how you want your life to be. People will have to get used to whatever you decide is the best path for your life. 

So, you will find me in my bubble. Always. I will not push you away unless you try to pop it, which only comes from people's bad behavior and intentions. If I react to something you've done, do not be surprised that I am strong while also being kind. If you ask me to do something or for a favor, do not be surprised if I say no, as a yes should almost never be expected with that kind of thing, otherwise, you're giving a demand with a question mark at the end. And do not think I don't have God on my side. I have. I always have. 

God cares about the bubble, too. He doesn't want people to intrude and destroy it. A bubble is more than the happy Sunday afternoons in your safe space at home, because it is also a defense system from the enemy and the people he uses to attack you. 

I am in a bubble. 

And I am happy here. 

~ ~ ~ 

Ten years ago, I never would've pinned my future self to speak up the way I do now. I thought I would have always collapsed and crumbled to the wants of the people who tried to take control. Being a follower was good enough. Just go with their flow, be kind even if they're rude to me, and make choices for myself only when others aren't involved. I am quite the opposite now. I don't even think this character arc has reached its peak yet. 

Note: When reading this, please note that this is not focusing on one or only a couple of instances or only a specific person. This entire transformation of creating this bubble has been many years in the making. It has been a battle within my own self and with others. It's been with little things and big ones too, in many different ways.  

~ The Inspired One