Protecting My Happiness and Peace

One thing that I cherish from 2024 is protecting my happiness and peace. 

This is important in many factors in life: school, friends, family, getting married, marriage, parenthood, etc. 

As any bride knows, this is crucial when planning a wedding. You have to advocate for yourself. I didn't really used to do this. I was more timid when it came to wanting what's best for me. Thankfully, I had great parents who helped me with this growing up. I transitioned to this mindset while in college, and after that, I learned that if some people won't give me respect as a human being, I will either force them to or mentally block them off. It's not worth it. They aren't worth any energy if they don't care enough to respect me simply as a person. 

Friends aren't friends and family isn't family if they treat you with such disrespect. 

The version of me 10 years ago would be so happy with where I am now. She never would have stood up for herself confidently. She wouldn't have known what to say without rehearsing it in her head and having prepared lines to say, and then overthinking it after. I still do this, but I don't rely on it cause old habits die slowly, and it's so close to gone. Back then, I would have phrased more things as questions than as statements. 

Today, I don't let people tell me what to do or treat me badly. 

I killed the people pleaser inside of me. She's dead. 

Sometimes I look at my husband (the biggest people pleaser I've ever met because he has such a big heart), and I know the struggle that stabs away at you until you're mostly just air existing in this world. The only moments where you can breathe are the 15 seconds a day you have to yourself, which is usually some passing moment between tasks. You don't know how to dig your way out when you're already committed to things or you feel the need to have a good enough excuse to say no.

"No" is a complete sentence. 

"No" is a valid answer to not wanting to do something. "No" is a valid answer when something is out of character for you. "No" is a valid answer when you want time to yourself. "No" is a valid answer when you just want to say it. 

And "yes" should never be expected out of someone when asking something out of them. People can't take and take what they want from you until all that's left is the missing piece from a puzzle. You're no longer this beautiful masterpiece, you've just become the missing piece. You'll get swept up in the wind and forgotten about until the next person finds some use for you, and to find purpose, you say "yes." Just because you've always said "yes" it does not mean you always have to. 

Going into wedding planning was the first time I had gone into a situation already having this mindset. I've had to re-learn it over and over throughout my life, and this time, I was going to protect my happiness and peace at all costs. I didn't want any negative feelings or memories associated with the whole process. That's why it's so important around that time of my life. I went into it with this mindset. For once, it wasn't a learning experience to one day put myself first. It was me putting myself first. 

I don't care if people get annoyed with me or upset. I will control my life, I can't be dragged around just because I couldn't stand for what I really wanted. So when I look at my husband who struggles with this, I know I can help him overcome this. It's just too much of a good thing. If you've seen The Good Place, you'll know what I mean. If you lived in some perfect paradise (besides heaven, obviously), too much good would be overpowering in one's life. So, saying "Yes" too often will lead to burnout, whether one wants to admit that to themselves or not. 

Creating healthy boundaries and not being afraid of what other's think is so incredibly important. I'm just glad I've figured this out now. There are people in my life who I should probably have a closer relationship with and not mentally block them out of my life like I have. Now I don't care what they say to me. They could tell me they want me dead and I wouldn't even flinch. Because I have control over my life and I am protecting my happiness and peace. They aren't worth it to me anymore. 

I am not afraid to burn bridges if they've already burned me countless times. 

I have one life to live so I will live it happily. 

~ The Inspired One